thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
