alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My liver just had a heart attack.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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