I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
