Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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