I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
