The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
