how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Two words: blizzard sex
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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