if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
