In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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