I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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