i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
