you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
