I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
