I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
