you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
