Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm too high and old for this...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
