Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Duck Duck Cougar?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
