So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
there is glitter all over my balls
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