Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
