Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
