you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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