It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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