is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
