party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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