He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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