I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
