There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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