she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
