I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
