im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
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