There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
