Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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