just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
