U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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