I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
