so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
