I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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