My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
