i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize