ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
