i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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