I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
