sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
