Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
