just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
