He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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