so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
there's paper in my vomit.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
