twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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