When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
