If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
