don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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