He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
bring money and cleavage
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
