I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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