when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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