Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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