Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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