i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
