You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
