If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
