I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
