when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
