the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
