There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize