Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
