i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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