Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
