Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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