I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
