i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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