some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
