I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
